Mixed Emotions!

I really dont know how to start this blog so I will just start talking. This past week I have been busy! I have out up many bags of peas and canned tomatoes! I came out with twenty something quarts and some smalls ones. I am tickled pink about that! I have been trying to enjoy my summer with Landon. It is so hard at times, because all I seem to think about it a job...yes yes I know many of you are like why do you want a job when Chad works?Right?To start off with I began working when I was 15. I loved it! I love making a pay check with my name! I quit when Chad and I got married so I could focus on college better. I do not regret quiting at that time, but now I am ready to began my dream job! I LOVE children, and love to help each one in any possible way I can. I have always wanted to be a teacher since I was a toddler..Yes a toddler. My mom and dad built a classroom for me under our stairs and I loved it. I would sit and teach my baby dolls and all! Ok I am chasing a rabbit with that, but back to my reason why I want to work. I want to get up and go to a job where I want to be! I want to change lives throughout my work! I want to feel needed...yes I feel needed by Landon, but I mean needed from other children wanting to learn! I have such a passion with learning and teach Landon many things he prob. shouldnt even know at his age, but its my nature I love teaching children postive things! I also feel it is important to help your spouse. Chad has never asked me to work, but I feel like I need too. Chad agrues with me about this(haha) he is ok being the only one to work..but its not ok to me. I want to help! I could get on my soap box, but I want! I have cried many days about this, but deep down I know its in God's hands. So with this being said what am I going to do if I dont get a job within the next couple of weeks. I have decided to sub. Not sure what areas yet. I really want to stick in Enterprise, because Chad and I really want to move that way. I am a ball of emotions, and I shouldnt be! But its me!:) Besides stressing over a job I have been playing and playing some more with Landon. He is the best! Landon and I have started walking and we love it. I am hoping to one day run/walk in a 5 mile marathon...I really love to run! So whats new with Landon...He loves to read..snuggle with mama..give kisses/hugs...very caring about people's feelings...will only tell Chad and I he loves us(I think mama got it out of him one time) that boy knows that word means alot...has to hold your hand during a blessing...becoming a better veg. eater:)...loves any kind of animal..loves baseball and football(he will watch it over any cartoon he is that serious into it)...realizes more and more daddy is gone for a long period of time and thinks he only comes to visit's us when he is home(This is another reason why I must get a job! Chad has to come off from offshore!) We have both talked about it, and its not for our family...we have done it for 5 years 4 of them being married..it does not get easier..I still cry everytime he leaves, and get depressed throughout his 3 weeks..Everyday I hear Landon asking about daddy..he says he is at work and buying him toys..he then tells me he will come back and visit us (:..that puts tears in my eyes everytime I hear it..I am not giving my sob story I just saying its not for the Williams bunch, and hopefully want be forever! I know God hears our prayers and he will bless us one day! I trust in him!..back to things landon does...he loves to count/count things out...carry on conversations with you..has no bugs(cavities)haha..He did really well at his dentist appointment last week. They said he teeth was very pretty/healthy. They believe when he gets older we will be going the braces route. His teeth seem to be crowed with no gaps..so thats a wait and see game...other than that I cant think of anything else going on in the Williams household! Sorry this post is everywhere tonight...I am just a ball of emotions tonight!